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| ARCHIVE 2: "Angst Rising" |
| 06.16.04 (7:03 am) [edit] |
Archived from 05/27/04
When we met the perinatologist yesterday, I was hoping for the warm fuzzies that followed the first meeting with my 2nd opinion RE. I expected my hope for this pregnancy to be boosted or accelerated, since this is, after all, a new milestone.
That is not how I felt.
What I did feel is a new sense of dread and fear. Not once in our conversation did I feel encourangement or positive reinforcement. I didn't come away feeling that she knew deep down that this baby would survive.
What I did interpret, what kept me tossing and turning all night, was that I should still be very afraid. What I felt she was saying:
*I could still have a dangerous blood disorder that is waiting for the right moment to attack my unborn child.
*I should seek counseling for the obvious future of a chromosomally abnormal child.
*Above all I should spend the entire pregnancy terrified that it won't last another day.
Now, my rational mind doesn't believe these things. I feel that things are probably ok. I made it this far, and that is saying a LOT. But I also don't believe doctors have the right to even plant the seeds of doubt in an already fragile situation. I think it was heartless to toss out these suggestions. I know it is her job to do what she deems necessary to ensure a healthy pregnancy, but for all things holy, there is such thing as TACT. You can be cautious and make suggestions while still assuaging fears.
I felt none of that.
I left her office feeling uneasy. As uneasy as I felt a few weeks back when I was spotting. When she asked if I was cramping, and I said yes, she seems at first alarmed. I described the cramping and she went back to her notes without explaining her alarm.
Something about the meeting just didn't feel right. I didn't think I should come away with more fears than I had going into it.
Visit the new Mind of Olivia Drab blog for up to date entries.
http://www.oliviadrab.com/blog/blog.html" title="http://www.oliviadrab.com/blog/blog.html" target="_blank"http://www.oliviadrab.com/blo...
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| ARCHIVE 1: "Ma'am, please put your pants back on.." |
| 06.16.04 (6:58 am) [edit] |
Archived from 05/26/04
We met the perinatologist today. Very nice lady. Ran through the records, made notes, chatted a bit.
And not once did she ask me to strip down naked. It was a little disappointing.
I suppose I have become accustomed to doctors and my own nudity going hand in hand. I expect it. I have to resist the urge to strip from the waist down when going to a dentist.
What she did say is that there are three blood tests that were missed by both REs. One is Factor V Leiden! One of the Lord Kings of F'ed Up Blood Tests! Yeah, so I need that one, one that I can't remember, and one of the Blah Blah Thrombin Blablah.. I started blacking out when she said "More blood." I have given enough blood in the last year to supply a Vampire Festival. The last thing I want is to roll up my shirt sleeve to give MORE blood.
Ah, well.. It determines whether or not I begin to cultivate "Heparin Ass" any time soon. If any of the results look like they are tempting the spectrum of bad blood, in with the needles and the baby aspirin.
Another thing she requested is a consultation with a Genetics Counselor. For a couple reasons. One, because our miscarriages may have been due to a genetic misfiring, but two, because there is Downs Syndrome in the family. Crossing t's, dotting i's.
Our next appointment is June 16. That's when we meet the Ob. Shortly thereafter, the nuchal translucency test. So many things to do in the month of June!!
Visit the new Mind of Olivia Drab blog for up to date entries.
http://www.oliviadrab.com/blog/blog.html" title="http://www.oliviadrab.com/blog/blog.html" target="_blank"http://www.oliviadrab.com/blo...
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